Small fishes, big pond

Believe it or not, China is actually full of ethnic minorities. Not that you'd ever know if you didn't live in China, because 90% are Han Chinese, i.e. Chinese that look "Chinese". But dig a little deeper and you'll find about 40 or 50 ethnic minorities, some of whom look totally different to the Han and some of whom look exactly the same as the Han but with different hats. Yep, that's how I tell if someone is ethnic, by the absurdity of their headgear. One of the most misrepresented and sorely-misunderstood of these ethnic groups is the Xiangyang-ese, a group that can only be loosely described as ethnic, since no genetic link has been found that runs through the group. Though foreigners pass them all the time in Shanghai, they are always considered as crooks and cheaters. It's my aim to put the record straight with some of the beautiful Xiangyangese language I've picked up. Remarkably, it has very little in common with any known Chinese dialect, and research is currently underway to unearth a "proto-Xiangyangese" dialect. Here's the scope of my knowledge, language-wise: Xiangyangese - English

SirDVDWatchShoes?	Hello my dear sir, and how are you this bright and sunny morning?
RolexNikeAdidas	Suit you, sir. You look delightfully dapper and charming, I must say
GirlsDVDsYouWant?	Excuse me Madam, but I appear to have lost my way. Would you be so kind as to assist me with directions?
Hashish?	Gracious, young scallywag, you look rather worn out and no mistake. Here, let me help you out

More to follow, as we (David Attenborough voice) as we further delve into the fascinating lives of these outcasts of society.