Reader's Digest

Due to my sad Bloglines (and anything with RSS) addiction, my regular blogging has gone downhill just slightly, so from now on it'll be digests all the way, at least until Bloglines suffers some downtime.

• Fantastic Bloglines tutorial

Now (drum roll), I'm probably able to reveal the job that I'll be getting soon, you know, the one I've been trying to feebly build curiosity for. I'll be editing and organizing a few articles for Shanghai Expat, a website providing forums and organizing social events for expats in Shanghai. Networking heaven...and who knows, it could lead to bigger things. World domination baby, world domination. In my attempt to corner the expat forum/events market, grind my competitors into the dust and get fired for conflict of interests, I'll also be taking over the reigns of a friend's expat organization, ChinaSense, which is yet another organization for expat support. It's getting to the point where every bloody expat has his or own organization now, so it's probably time to make like Qin Shi Huang* and "liberate" them from themselves. More updates on my pillaging, blackmail, bribery and horseheads in beds peaceful reunification as and when it becomes available.

* So, what could possibly make you think I'm using esoteric knowledge to lord it over others?

My traffic-related grisly death has once again been dodged in the past week, through my lightning-fast reflexes and almost uncanny powers of observation. I'm pretty sure that more readers will believe me when they hear the reports of my family when they try to cross the road...assuming they survive, that is. It really is the quick and the dead when it comes to crossing the road here in the Whore of the Orient.

* Why yes, I am quite overly-proud that I've managed to work in two references to westerns in the past week or so

Oh, apparently I look like a particular 80's American popstar, according to some guy at the coffee morning who couldn't remember which one. Maybe it's all the heavy eye makeup and mullets I've been so attached to recently. This is as well as looking like Boris Becker, having the mannerisms and stance of David Bowie and having the odd distinction Mick Jagger's lips. Can we all say identity crisis? Because, you know, I've never seen my "dad" and Boris Becker together at the same time...which can only mean...Oh my God...they're the same person! Which reminds me of a terrible joke:

A computer salesman visits a company president for the purpose of selling the president one of the latest talking computers. Salesman: "This machine knows everything. I can ask it any question and it'll give the correct answer. Computer, what is the speed of light?" Computer: 186,282 miles per second. Salesman: "Who was the first president of the United States?" Computer: George Washington. President: "I'm still not convinced. Let me ask a question. Where is my father?" Computer: Your father is fishing in Georgia. President: "Hah!! The computer is wrong. My father died over twenty years ago!" Computer: Your mother's husband died 22 years ago. Your father just landed a twelve pound bass.

Terrible, I know. There was, I'm sure, some more blah to write, but now that I'm sleep-deprived and caffeine-addled I'm positive that I couldn't remember even if I wanted to. Such is life.