What if...?

Few people may realize it, but those two simple words can be the most dangerous in the English language. These words have held so many back, but at the same time pushed others to heights that few would dare imagine. I'm not like a lot of people. I don't care so much for a stable job or high income. I live my life on the road less travelled, often just upping sticks and going wherever my fancy takes me -- that's what led me to Gansu (albeit accidentally,) Taiwan, Inner Mongolia, and finally, here, Shanghai. Sure, this nomadic lifestyle has its downsides, like language and culture difficulties, as well as people forgetting who I am within a few years of last seeing them, but I reckon it's worth it. I'm a knowledge junkie -- I live to learn, and if I stay in one place too long I get itchy feet. I have to experience new things to stay alive. Without that, sure, I'll still exist, but I won't feel alive any more. If you're happy in your life, then good for you, I'm happy for you, truly. It might sound a bit insincere because I can, on occasion, be a complete prick about how I've ventured into the unknown, fought valiant battles against the elements and lived to die another day. But really, if you're happy, then that's all that should matter in your life. The problem is, so many people aren't happy. And yet, they do little to change their lives, and the reason all boils down to those two little words. They get the idea to do something grand, and then they think of all the insignificant details that could derail their plan -- "what if I can't earn enough money to survive?", "what if I get sick?", what if, what if. Even typing those words I feel a little reluctant to go somewhere new myself. That's how powerful they are. I'm typing a bloody article fighting against those words, and yet they still hold sway over me. Yeah, sure, whatever you do there may be problems and obstacles in your path, but 90% of the time those are things it's impossible to see beforehand, so why worry? Even more to the point, how many times is it possible to get killed on your morning commute? I walk to work every day, and the traffic alone would scare a lot of people, let alone the carnivorous doors of the metro system. What to do? I could stay wrapped in a blanket in bed and pray for the best, never leaving the house, or I could face the world head on. It's just the same with anything else, except the scale seems so much bigger when you've never done it before. Life's too short to be controlled by two little words and a world of improbability. I'm not advising anyone to throw caution to the wind, but when it comes to looking before leaping, too many people focus on the looking, sometimes discounting the leap before they've even thought it through. Whatever may go wrong, the human spirit usually finds a way to pull through, and even if it all goes to Hell, at least you've learned something and likely become better from it. I know if it hadn't been for the difficulties (putting it lightly) that I encountered in Gansu, I wouldn't have had the self-confidence to try to make it as a model and dancer in the here-and-now. If nothing else, at least it's something to boast to the grandchildren about...assuming you survive that is. In the words of Nike, "just do it" me, "get your arse into gear and just do something for chrissake."